i feel.... once again....

i feel it again... what do i mean?? i mean to feel the world begining and ending in one smile, to feel the chills on every thing i do... yeah u got it thats it. its been a long time, it has been long enough for me to almost believe i was incapable of feeling it again.
 i've told you more than once that i was broken...
i know you never believed it, i know i had just to wait. i feel vulnerable for the very first time in many years, and i should be scared but yet i am as happy as i ever was. i no longer live in the feelings of the past i live in the present and hoping that the future will get only better.
i look in to that smile and a conseguent deep breath stops me from saying things that i want to say.... 
.....bingo!! that is it...
why i stop myself well easy i don't want this to end.... that's why!!
i can't believe that my heart feels like this,.... yes i do like it..... of course i do, and if i define my deep breaths i might just spoil the moment, and god only knows i don't want that to happen.
yes genius i am talking about a girl...
not just any girl, not only looks make her idyllic, yes she is beautiful, yes she makes me smile every time i look in her green/brown eyes..... what makes her so special is that she like me for who i am and not for who she wants me to be.
...will it last u ask?...
well that is a very stupid question my friend.... i don't know if it will, i don't know if i will even ever get to say what my deep breaths are hiding, but what i know.... how ever it goes she is in my heart and u know better than anyone that is a season ticket for the whole duration of my life.... she might not be there for ever but i know i will look in that seat, no matter if she is there or not, with a grin on my face for the rest of my life.
....u want me to define exactly what i feel??...
well i really do not believe that there are words to describe my ffelings, i do not believe that a word has been coined for this.
... yes i know i could use that one!!!....
but its way more than that..... i know its crazy its too early to feel this.... but i can't controll my brain or my heart, i just go with it and enjoy every moment with her, and hope it never ends, cause i can't ever get enough of her.

i'm leaving in a fiction novel, i'm living the most surreal emotions, not only thundering emotions at every kiss, not only butterflies in my stomac at every smile.... were talking of incredible feelings by only looking at her, were talking of indescribable feelings when i rap her in my arms, were talking of apotheosis in every kiss and supreme perfection at every time my eyes find her's. will it be love? will it be infatuation? will it be a dream? let it be whatever you like..... i just want all this to never end..... therefore my angel that from up there you watch me and protect me, help me from keeping this divinity on my side, because now i am inevitably addicted of her presence in my life.... and if all this is a dream, let me sleep till the end because i do not want to let this all go.

Road Trip

I told you it’s unbelievable, some of the things found there illustrated also how wealthy the city was and how the Romans have given the city a little touch here and there. Look at the roads and their sidewalks.

Wake up!! We are going to Pompeii! What is that? Seriously? It is a wonderful archeological site and possibly the remains of one of the most catastrophic volcano eruptions of history.

Seriously you have never heard of them?? I can’t believe it… look I did some research and trust if I tell you the trip will be amazing, so get off that bed and pack some water cause were going!!!

I get it you would rather be in bed, but once you see where were going you will realize what I am talking about. Let’s do this . . . While we drive I will give you a little history of the city and the destruction that fell on it.

The city was a well know active city of the Roman Empire. It was a wealthy city and many villas were in this place. There is reason to believe that it was full of summer residences for judges and senators of the Roman Empire. The city was well drained and perfectly built. The road system is unreal just wait to see it.

Anyway the city was in the middle of a festivity well renown in the empire, when unexpectedly the mountain that was close to them exploded. That was Mount Vesuvius, which is not a mountain but a volcano that after exploding unleashed a gigantic cloud made of ash, rocks and mud. Many of the citizens admired the view and others ran in panic screaming that the gods were out to get them.  Many paintings were done and many things have been written about this destructive eruption. Look at this picture:  

You can see the biblical image placed in the picture, because later on the Catholic Church described the catastrophe as a ratification of god because of their “bad habits.” What do I mean by that? Well let’s say they knew how to through a party and let’s leave it at that.

For this there are documents that prove the city was founded before the 18^th century (when on the record was first found) because of the sexual images found in the villas they opted to cover everything up again. Just like they turned the pantheon, in Rome, into a church because they didn’t like the images of nudity in the structure.

Did they know it was a volcano? Well they knew that something was different about this mountain but its not that they could Google it or something. The mountain was very fertile and did not erupt for a long time, so they thought it was cool and then it erupted. Just like mount St. Helen in the U.S.A., with the explosion part of the peek came with it.

The big cloud of ash rocks and extreme high temperature hit the city and suffocated and cooked anything that was alive and buried the town for centuries. The cloud killed 16000 people and preserved their bodies in a way that still today we are able to determine their face figures. No I’m not lying!!!!!!! Look at this picture and be amazed grasshopper:

The sidewalks were so tall because of the rainy season, so they did not need to walk in to the water; the big stones in the middle of the road were their crosswalks. 

  Isn’t that amazing??

Why is Vesuvius there?? Well it’s not somebody placed it there. Well for what I know the explanation is not easy but in a few words is like this. Mount Vesuvius is part of the Campanian volcanic arc, a line of volcanoes that formed over a subduction zone created by the convergence of the two plates African and Eurasian. This subduction zone stretches the length of the Mediterranean peninsula. It’s the reason of all the earthquakes we have gotten in our history, and it’s also the source of other volcanoes like Mount Etna, the Phlegraean Fields and Stromboli.

I know that the other ones are not as dangerous in Italy that had great eruptions, but since we are not that bright we decided to build 2 cities under it. Even now, that we are aware of the possible destruction of the volcano, we have built houses under the volcano, and trust me if that thing goes off again, they in deep dodo.

Now that I think about it what day is it today? Sunday? Oops the archeological museum is closed today. Calm down.  Let’s go eat some pizza. This place is famous for that too. I’m sure Mount Vesuvius won’t erupt today, fingers crossed.

sono le 2 di notte.... di solito cazzegio su facebook ma sta sera no, ho deciso di parlare un po con te. immagino gia dalla tua reazione, che hai una voglia immensa di sentirmi, ma parliamoci chiaro puoi anche nn ascoltare perche alla fine e mivoglio solo sfogare.
non aver timore nn sara il mio solito lamento che nn vedo casa da una vita, no quello lo lascio al passato anche perché mi sto sempre più mimetizzando con la neve candida che copre la mia regione, e puzzo sempre più di globalizzazione. son mille le cose che mi turbano ma ancora nn aver timore che nn mi fermo qui a fare un sermone con la lista scandita per intensita di dolore o importanza per il mio futuro, anzi nn ne parlero affatto anche perche se mi conosci puoi indovinare gia dalle 4 parole che ho scritto.


sai delle volte mi viene da pensare: siam cresciuti nel periodo dove il romanzo criminale, serie o film, son divenuti idoli ma ricordiamoci che erano delinquenti. siam cresciuti in un era fatta a cazzo di cane.... ao e nn te gira l'occhi.... perche se poco poco sai legge lo capiresti anche te. siamo figli che hanno vissuto le guerre piu frivole al mondo ma mai avuto occasione si sentire una vera esplosione. siamo cani randagi che corrono per il parco sperando che prima o poi fiutiamo qualcosa di buono. ma nn so manco io che cazzo sto  a di e a dire il vero ancora nn capisco perche me frega..... tanto sto blog nn lo legge nessuno :)

blah blah blah

per guardare dalla finestra e identificare il mondo come tuo devi avere: amore, calore, sostegno, e dedizione. non sempre queste cose accadono nella città in cui ti trovi, nulla al mondo può darti queste sensazioni se nn la casa in cui sei cresciuto come uomo e come essere umano.
ma avvolte quel posto stesso rimane cosi stretto e cosi incomprensibilmente scialbo, che scappiamo a gambe levate incuranti di quelle sensazione che ti hanno definito nel crescere. sono umano e straniero nella citta dove sono cresciuto e emigrante nella citta in cui mi trovo, non sono le sensazioni ideali di un ragazzo che ora mai si trova a esser uomo, e che sa che il tornare a casa costituirebbe in una regressione  professionale e anche di emozioni. il tornare al nido come sconfitto definirebbe me stesso come perdente come uomo senza attributi che e capace di sogni ma non di realizzarli, e io cio nn potrei sopportarlo.

bisogna trovare obiettivi ma anche motivazioni, bisogna trovare le carote giuste da appendere a una stecca per motivarci nell'andare avanti. molte volte si tratta desiderio di cose materiali, bella casa, bella macchina, bei vestiti, tutto cio che la societa definisce come apprezzabili e ci classifichi in uno status sociale piu alto.
siamo diretti da queste ambizioni, ma cio nn toglie raggiungere un obiettivo potrebbe risultare nel donare un sorriso alle persone amate e gioire di conseguenza, perche nn c'e sensazione piu bella che rendere fieri le persone che ami.
so che molti nella mia famiglia pregano per me e alla mia vittoria come lupo solitario in una leggione amica, si vantano del loro amico,parente etc... che ogni giorno combatte per prendere un attestato che definisca il suo status scolastico, ma pochi di loro sanno quanto cio mi ha cambiato e reso piu egoista di quanto lo fossi mai stato.

prima vedevo nelle faccie amiche le motivazioni per vivere e aiutare, ora vedo mura bianche che provo a dipingere ogni giorno ma che sembrano di crescere ogni qual volta le avvicino un pennello.
la voglia di volare e' quasi dissolta mi accontento di planare e sopravvivere per donare quel sorriso alle persone che piu mi amano.... questa e' la mia motivazione odierna dite che sia giusta?